You Kind of Sucked
by Mordant Monkey
The girls are back, all eight of them. “Eight girls. One dream,” Ryan reminds us. “Tonight they fight to make it into the top twelve. This is ladies’ night, and this is American Idol!”
We’ll be losing two more ladies and two more men this week, and that will reveal our Top 12. And after that, I think, we lose one contestant per week.
I don’t know what the hell is going on—it’s a bit early for April Fools—but Ellen is sitting on Simon’s lap and nibbling his ear. Yammering and pointless babbling, and then we’re whisked into the performances right off.
Katie is singing “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson. Which I didn’t even know was Kelly Clarkson. I thought it was someone older. And it just sounds … weird. I never thought Katie was out of tune before, but this just isn’t sounding right. At the chorus it improves, she gets louder and less pitchy, but not by much. Wow, what the hell? Maybe the song is just one of those funky songs? She seems confident and poised, but it’s just odd.
Randy calls foul on the song choice and says it pales in comparison to the original song AND artist. Ellen says it was the right song to sing and thanks her for paying attention to the judges’ notes, at which point Katie looks extremely relieved. But then Ellen says that given that, Katie exhibited zero personality during the song. Kara says Katie has a great radio voice but that Katie doesn’t know who she is as an artist but her voice sounds years older than it is. Simon compliments her on taking the judges’ advice and commiserates with her about how hard it’s been on her. And then he says, “You kind of sucked … the energy out of it a little bit and made it a little bit gloomy.” But he does give her ten out of ten for trying, which is cool.
Ryan reminds us, to make us feel old, that Katie was eight years old when Kelly Clarkson won Idol.
Siobhan is up next, looking adorable, and she’s singing “House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals and is dedicating it to her dad. She and her dad are each other’s biggest fans, she says. I’m apprehensive about this song choice, but she starts out a cappella and it’s perfectly in pitch. An electric guitar pipes in at the second verse, and then a drum at the second chorus. And now Siobhan’s just wailing, but it’s amazing, really strong. She gives a subdued smile at the end. Nice.
Randy loved it and loves her and “it was hot!” Ellen knows that house that Siobhan was singing about and says she was captivating and current and spectacular. Kara says the a cappella choice was brilliant and that Siobhan’s unique. Simon wasn’t a fan of the performance and thought that “it was all a bit weird.” And then Simon makes up another word: “Underimpressed.” Last week it was “misunderestimated,” I believe. Anyway, Simon says there was no particular moment in the performance that stood out. Personally, I think that since he went on Leno touting Crystal Bowersox last night, he doesn’t want to admit that Siobhan could be a contender.
Lacey is whining “The Story” by Brandi Carlile in her little baby voice and too much makeup by half. This is better than her previous stabs at performing, but those turned me off so much from Lacey in the first place, I can’t really get into this. And instead of emotion at the end like Carlile did, it just got thinner and whinier and faded away. Sort of like I wish Lacey would do.
Randy said it was her best performance in a long time and Ellen agrees. Kara says that performances like this is the reason Lacey is on Idol and that she’s back on her path. Simon didn’t “love love” the song but says she sang it really well. He is still waiting for the right song for Lacey but says it was good.
Katelyn is singing Carol King’s “I Feel the Earth Move.” Figures. Maybe that’s why she’s got the ‘70s hairdo? She likes to scream and make wrinkly faces when she sings. Tonight she’s standing at a keyboard. There’s nothing technically wrong with this performance, but it’s dated and there’s nothing memorable about it. And she’s wearing a jumper.
Randy chuckles and says he likes the Carol hair but that he didn’t feel any vibe from it, nothing special. “A little sleepy, a little boring.” Ellen says it wasn’t the right song to wow voters to get into the Top 12, it wasn’t enough. Kara says she didn’t feel that Katelyn wasn’t competing tonight—she felt that Katelyn was going through the motions, as opposed to Carol King, who is a very connected performer. Katelyn says she was trying to be less corny, as Simon called her on last week. Simon tells her he likes her hair but says it was like a request night at a restaurant that Katelyn was working in.
Ryan tries to salvage the situation by affirming that Katelyn does indeed care about getting votes and the competition, even though the judges said she didn’t look like she cared about the performance. Ryan can always be counted upon in a pinch.
Didi is playing her guitar tonight for the first time since Hollywood, and she’s also singing a ‘70s song: “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac. It’s the same as all of her performances—understated, good vocals, her weird little trilly vibrato. Very subdued.
Randy liked it much better than last week, which Didi looks irritated by. He doesn’t think it’s the best she can do, but it was better. Ellen says yes indeedy, Didi. Groan. Ellen liked the song. Kara says it was one of her favorite moments of the show this season. Simon agrees with Kara and calls it “head and shoulders” above every other performance tonight. He loved the song, and Didi cries.
Paige is singing “Smile” by Charlie Chaplin. How … odd. She looks nervous. And she sounds like crap. She’s going to get flayed alive by the judges. It’s old-fashioned and the vocals aren’t there, for some reason. A weird little half-yelp at the end and we’re done. Sigh.
More nervous chuckling from Randy. He says it didn’t work for her at all. Quite right. “It didn’t work at all.” Ellen reminds us all that the song is actually meant to be inspiring, and it came out heavy and depressing. Kara agrees with Randy and Ellen and says it was all wrong and asks her if she realized when she was singing it that it was going wrong. Simon says it was horrible and tells her that she’s made some bad decisions and that this could be the end of the road.
Paige then tells us she’s a huge Michael Jackson fan … and that’s going to win her votes? She loves the song but maybe the arrangement wasn’t the best. Even Ryan has nothing helpful to say at this point.
Cyrstal is doing “Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman and she’s rocking the guitar and huge wooden earrings. Oh, and the song, of course. She sounds great and she’s knows it. Love her cute little smile at the end. She must be taking the advice of the makeup artists, because her makeup looks better every week, too.
Randy loves her, the song, everything. Ellen needs new adjectives for Crystal and says it was the best performance of the night. Kara says that every time Crystal gets on the stage it’s easy for her because she knows who she is. Simon says she’s one million billion percent going to be in the Top 12. Well, duh.
“I Fall to Pieces” by Patsy Cline is Lilly’s choice for the night. God her earrings are ugly. And the patchwork dress is not a good thing either. I don’t like her on this song. Her voice is too bright and whiny to compare well to Cline’s mellow, low tone.
Randy thought it was hot and Ellen loved her voice and her originality. Kara says she made Patsy Cline feel current. I don’t agree. Simon calls her brave for picking that song on a night like tonight but that the song didn’t have a wow factor, and that could have been risky.
So … Katie got killed dead by the judges, who apparently just got tired of having her be their pet? Siobhan took us to the house of the rising sun and back, Lacey improved but will it be enough to keep her around? Katelyn and her ‘70s hair bounced around a classic Carol King song, Didi invoked Fleetwood Mac and earned praise. Paige did not make anyone smile, especially the judges. Crystal gave us plenty of reasons why she should stay, and Lilly did not make me fall to pieces but the judges liked her.
Wednesday’s show will be at 9 p.m. EST, not 8 p.m. And then the results show will be at 8 p.m. Thursday.
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