It’s My Prerogative
by Mordant Monkey
Megan Corkrey got the ticket into the Final 13 while Tatiana Del Toro got shown the door.
“To make it on this stage is an incredible feat. To get a second chance is something of a miracle,” Ryan tells us as the camera scans the wild card contestants. There’s a shout-out to good old tenacity—“Simon, be quiet,” he warns—and then reminds us that “This is A-MER-ican Idol!
Ryan’s in a very good mood tonight. I wonder what’s going on. I mean, he seems unusually chipper. Paula’s wearing a pink cheetah shirt, and Simon’s teeth match his grey shirt. Yikes.
So the eight contestants will be performing, and then we’ll be getting the results live from the judges. First up is Jesse, who vamps it up with “Tell Me Something Good” by Rufus (featuring Chaka Khan). She looks gorgeous, by the way, and I love how she’s just working the mic stand. Awesome! She’s having a great time, which is good, because I really don’t think this was the right song choice for her.
Randy and Kara fall over themselves to tell her she was off key. Kara tells her she has a swagger, Paula says she was impressed with her, and Simon says that she was the last girl that the judges chose for the wild card round and that he was glad they did but felt the song was indulgent. Paula says that it was a sexy song, and Kara agrees, and then both of the girls are wondering why they’re the ones saying that the song was sexy. Sigh.
Matt G. is singing “Who’s Loving You” by the Jackson 5. And he’s wearing a black hat and an enormous scarf. Does he, like Jorge, think that it’s freezing in Hollywood when it’s 78 degrees? I mean, he’s from Kalamazoo, MI, for Pete’s sake. Whatever. There’s just no way he’s not making it through, because he’s killing the song. His runs are great, and he’s having a good time, too.
Kara tells him he can riff amazingly and that he had great vocals. Paula says that the song was perfect and that he was amazing. Simon tells him that it was a billion times better than last week, that he hates what he’s wearing, and that he reminds him of Taylor Hicks. Randy says that he just made everyone scared that he was going to make it through and win the entire competition.
Megan is singing “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” by KT Tunstall. I initially thought this was going to be a good fit for her. She’s doing that weird wiggle-waggle and the song is too low and off pitch, and it’s just not good. I’m disappointed.
Paula tells her that she looks beautiful (rut roh!) and that it was a good song and she’s quirky. If by “quirky” Paula means “motion-challenged,” then yes she is. Simon likes her and says that she’s current and original. The vocals weren’t the best but it doesn’t matter. Well, obviously they don’t, since Scott made it through the night before. Randy regurgitates what Simon says by telling her she didn’t have the best vocals but she’s current.
Von is singing “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” by Elton John. Why do I not see this going well? He’s subdued but lets loose on the chorus, and it’s controlled and fine and so, so very boring. This is not what the judges are looking for, I can tell.
Simon agrees with me and tells him, “You’re beginning to become a bit boring.” Randy says it was too serious and safe. Kara says it was too serious and dark. Paula tells him that he was too worried about his performance and therefore didn’t soar like they know he can.
Jasmine, who is only 17 years old and so money she doesn’t even know it, is singing “Reflection” by Christina Aguilera. She’s wearing a beautiful rose-pink dress and looks stunning, but I don’t like the song and she’s shouting at me. It’s just dreary, really.
Randy says she’s improved from the last time, which … didn’t she suck the last time? Kara mentions the word “commercial” and is therefore dead to me now. Paula says she looks lovely and determined and was wonderful. Simon, for some reason, tells Paula she didn’t give Jasmine enough credit, and they argue for a bit, and Simon then tells Jasmine she just put herself back in the running. Maybe they were watching another Jasmine and another performance altogether, because I thought it was just not good.
Ricky is singing “Superstition” by Stevie Wonder. Er … what is he wearing? How did he fit into those pants? I’m not sure that the song choice was a wise one. He sounds fine, but again, it’s boring and at this point, the judges are looking to be jolted out of their chairs, not be sung to sleep. At the end there are too many runs and just gets weird.
Kara tells him good chops. Paula says that he nailed it and had fun. Simon said he sounded good but it was the wrong song. The performance was clumsy and he was disappointed. Not good. Randy tells him it was the wrong song and that it was self-indulgent. Isn’t that Simon’s phrase? Randy, it’s no good trying to fool us by using big words like that.
“Now it’s time for you-know-who—Tatiana!” Ryan warns us. Dear god. She’s wearing the same ugly sequined dress as Hollywood Week, I think, and she’s crying in her interview and saying that second chances are once in a lifetime. I’m already tired.
What?? She’s singing “Saving All My Love for You” again??? She’s even stupider than I had originally given her credit for, and that’s pretty hard to quantify. The vocals are good, as well they should be for all the practice she’s had with this song, and there’s a strong glory note, but what the hell?
Psycho Hosebeast tells the judges that she loves them so much, and Paula slyly points out that she now has an accent they’ve never heard before. She then babbles about thinking in Spanish but speaking in English while being emotional in Neptune and then Simon just gives her a look like oh sweet jesus, I can’t wait to tell her to eff the hell off and get out of this show and my life forever. I’m with you, Simon. And then she does the giggle. Which makes her giggle more. And then she points out to the judges that she giggled. Oh god make it stop.
When the judges finally get a word in, Paula tells her she was not a fan of the repeat song. Simon then proceeds to flay her alive for doing the same song three times, and I begin to see a glimmer of hope. Can it be that this was a fatal error on Tatiana’s behalf? Simon then asks her what she’ll sing if she makes it through, since she apparently only knows one song. Tatiana tells him that she didn’t have time to learn a new song, and Simon says flatly, “Rubbish.” Quite right, Simon, you tell her. Tatiana then argues that she felt it was so good the last time, and Simon reasonably points out that it wasn’t good enough because she didn’t make it through, as he chuckles. He gives up trying to reason with her, because why bother trying to have a duel of wits with an unarmed opponent? Randy tells her it was a rough start and that she’s a mixed bag of tricks. Kara announces, “It’s like the adventures of Tatiana.” I would like to point out, judges, that it’s the adventures of Tatiana only because you’re the bloody ones who have let this get so far out of hand. Then Kara wonders who Tatiana is, because that’s all Kara can ever say, unless it’s wondering how best to commercialize someone.
And then? And then??? Tatiana falls to her knees on the stage but gets back up to cling to Ryan, who says, “You don’t have to get up for me. You can stay down there.” So Tatiana gets back down on her knees but then gets back up immediately, because even she isn’t that dumb. I’m not making this shit up. I don’t know what Ryan was thinking, but the rest of us sure knew what we were thinking. Then it just gets weirder from there, if that’s possible. Ryan gets on his knee, and Tatiana wanders around the stage having the decency to look embarrassed, and Kara brays over and over again, “Family show! Family show!” Oh god was that awesome.
Anoop is our last singer. Thank god, because I don’t think I can stand any more of this. And he’s singing “My Prerogative” by Bobbie Brown again. I hope that the same rules do not apply to him, because he’s just so cool. He’s hamming it up and doing little sexy dance moves and winking but not in a gross way. He hits a huge glory note at the end, and Paula’s dancing, and I really hope he makes it.
Simon says, “This has been a very strange night tonight, hasn’t it? You’re like an enthusiastic dog, aren’t you?” Jeeze, Simon. He tells Anoop that while he was not the best singer, he is very likeable and then adds, “You have a lot of personality to compete with that lot.” Randy says that it was better this time than the first and that he slayed it. Kara tells him that she wanted to dance. Paula tells him that he’s quite the showman and adds, “You were whipping out moves that were a little nasty there!” Anoop looks extremely embarrassed but adorable.
Results! Quick, because Psycho Hosebeast took up half the show and now we have no time left! Dim the lights!
Jasmine comes up, and she’s in. Er … okay. Ricky’s out. No big shocker there. Then Ryan brings up Tatiana and Megan. Paula speaks in that soothing-a-wild-animal voice of hers that she uses sometimes with Tatiana and explains that this isn’t the end and that the dream will continue, but it’s only going to continue for Megan because Tatiana’s out. Oh thank every effing thing that’s holy. I love the judges right now, I’m so happy. Tatiana creeps over to the judges’ table and she’s sobbing, and the judges tell her that they love her and then Paula adds that she has a great future as an actress. Tee hee. And then my DVR stopped recording because the hour was up, and I want to strange Tatiana until she dies.
However, here’s what happened in a nutshell: Everyone else left is excused but Matt and Anoop. They put Matt through, and Anoop goes to walk off, but Ryan stops him and then Simon tells him that they’ve decided to make this competition the final 13 instead of 12. Anoop goes absolutely insane-O, and so there it is there.
In summary: The choice of men tonight was not at all a shock, since the judges said time and again that they want personality and not necessarily perfect voices. But then why they went with Jasmine, who has neither voice nor personality, I can only attribute to her sheer commerciality. Damn you, Kara. I really wanted to see Jesse get the spot. Megan has personality but I thought that she didn’t sound very good, either. Well, it’s a mystery to me. We’ll see how they do Tuesday night, I guess. But yay Anoop!
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