Don’t Become a Cocky Banana
by Mordant Monkey
It’s the same creepy blue light that bathed the girls last night and made them look like ghouls, but it’s the boys tonight, and Aaron Kelly is even tinier than Ryan. Who warns us that the guys are “ready to deliver” because this is, of course, American Idol.
Ryan asks Kara and Simon why they’re sitting so close, and Kara says that Simon is leaning against her because he misses his fiancée. Ryan asks if Kara is Simon’s “binky,” and then things gets weird. Come on, it’s too early for this.
Lee is up first, and he’s doing that song about ten million fireflies by Owl City and he’s killing it. He’s got his guitar and this is just a cute little fluff song, but he’s doing well with it. He makes the original seem watered down somehow. He could look a bit more interested in performing, but that’s asking a lot, I know. He looks a bit frozen. A big smile when he’s done—he knows he’s done well.
Randy says it was a strange song choice but Lee made it his own and made it work. Ellen liked that Lee made it “a little rock” and then adds that a lot of people have crushes on him. Enter Kara! Who says he made the song better with his interpretation. Who’d have thought Kara and I would agree? Simon says there’s nothing to rave about and there was no “moment” but he’s glad Lee is here.
Ray Lamontagne’s “Trouble” is Alex’s choice. He’s got his guitar as well. He manages to sound good and not look quite as terrified, but he’s still very wooden. His voice is really nice, especially on this song.
Randy likes the song choice but wasn’t wowed. “Wow” and “moment” seem to be the key words this season. Ellen says he’s now a mushy banana, he’s ripening so far. She says he gets better and better every week and adds that he’s innocent and sweet. “Don’t get cocky. Don’t become a cocky banana. No one likes that.” Kara is all over his banana and says she can close her eyes and know who is singing. But then she says he’s still stiff and not letting go. So he’s a mushy, stiff banana? Oy. Simon tells him he is concentrating too much on delivering the performance because he’s not relaxing and having a good time. “You’ve kind of got to imagine Randy in a bikini or something.” What the hell is going on here? There is something in those Coke cups tonight, there must be.
Kara is still going on about the binky. Jaysus she’s irritating.
Tim has his guitar and is going to murder “Hallelujah.” With his Partridge Family hair and pitch issues and his stiff phrasing, it’s not working for me. He’s obviously never heard this song before, or he wouldn’t be attempting such a brash assault on it. He’s certainly much better than past weeks, though.
Randy calls it one of the greatest songs ever and though Tim walked in some big shoes, he thought he did a pretty good job. Ellen actually got down off the judges’ podium and hugged him. Kara thought he was meant to be going home before but now thinks he’s in it. She says Tim showed the emotion of the song. I don’t agree. Simon says he feels responsible for Tim doing so well because of the confidence boost he gave him last week. So instead of flaying Tim, they’re praising him. Honestly, I have the feeling that if he hadn’t been so gawdawful a few weeks ago, they’d be ripping him a new one right now.
“Simon, just button your shirt and be quiet for a second,” Ryan snaps as he’s winding up with Tim and giving the numbers. Nice!
Ryan is with Andrew and comes out and says that no one will shut the hell up about his acoustic “Straight Up” version so what does Andrew plan on doing about that? Andrew says he’s going back to his roots with “Genie in a Bottle” by Christina Aguilera. He, also, has a guitar and it’s got a bit of a salsa flair to it, really. I kind of like it. I’m not overwhelmed, but it’s much better than his, say, Fall Out Boy impression. It’s no “Straight Up” but it’s not bad. He has redeemed himself somewhat.
Randy, yo, likes the cardigan because it’s a dawg’s look, yo. Andrew looks embarrassed for both of them. Randy didn’t like it because it was pitchy and then says it only had three notes. Well, which is it? Ellen thought it was a great song choice but that the genie came out of the bottle a bit too late in the song. Kara says he peaked way too early and has been chasing that moment ever since and that he sucked tonight, basically. Simon says it was “a little bit desperate” and uncomfortable and overthought and that Andrew is going backwards at the moment.
Ryan is as frustrated as the rest of the public is about the big deal made about “Straight Up” and strives to understand what’s going on in Andrew’s head, but Andrew basically just gives a shout out to his fans and leaves it at that.
Mickey Rourke is one scary-looking dude in the second “Iron Man” movie.
Casey is up next, with the acoustic guitar, and singing “You’ll Think of Me” by Keith Urban. He sounds good, very subdued. It’s not as good as the original and has some pitch issues, but a good choice. He’s going after some of Aaron’s crowd with the country vote.
Randy likes the song but thinks it’s a safe choice and wants Casey to be edgier. Casey doesn’t look like he agrees. Ellen thought it was great. Kara says he was better than last week but she’s missing the spark. Add “spark” to “wow” and “moment.” Simon thought it was his second-best performance and that it made him sincere but didn’t find it memorable.
More country! “I’m Already There” by Lone Star, brought to us by Aaron. He starts off warbling, and the words are impossible to make out. The chorus needs to be stronger, but there is emotion there, so it’s not bad. It’s just that the original is so fraught with emotion, this feels a bit weak. And the warbling is distracting.
Randy says Aaron needs to work on his lower notes but that he really liked it. Ellen loves Aaron and thinks he’s sounded better in the past and that it wasn’t terrific. Kara loves Aaron and he’s “in it” but that song was wrong for him because how could Aaron know how to relate the song’s story? Simon says Kara’s full of rubbish and that it was the absolute right type of song for Aaron. It wasn’t a great vocal but it had emotion. Then Simon cautions the judges about warning off the contestants about songs because they’ll get confused. Too late!
Ryan reminds us that tonight is massively important and then throws it to Todrick, who’s doing “Somebody to Love” by Queen. This could suck or it could be good. The back-up singers are wonky to start off, but Todrick is rocking his falsetto and sounds really sweet. It would’ve been much cooler had Todrick dressed like Freddie Mercury. Actually, his vocals are pretty flawless, if you ask me. And the energy is great.
Randy says, “Todrick is back!” Ellen calls Todrick a brave young man and then says it was like a gospel song and that he did a good job. Kara says it was really good singing but couldn’t decide whether to laugh at it or love it, but the singing was good. Simon says the singing was good in parts and says Todrick has now defined himself as a Broadway performer. He adds that it was a good song choice and it may have saved Todrick. I hope so. He’s the only one who’s vaguely entertaining.
Mike has the pimp spot, singing “Women’s Work.” Which, what the hell is this? He starts off by squealing and then lapses into the actual song rather nicely. He’s dressed like an undertaker though. The back-up singers sound much better on this song than they did earlier. Mike begins to strut and leap around the stage, which looks awkward for gets the crowd on its feet. Huge glory note and then falsetto to end.
Randy is in love with Mike and is so overwhelmed he can’t form a complete sentence. Ellen calls it beautiful and says Mike is the one to beat. Kara is literally in tears. Sigh. Simon tries to speak but Kara is weeping all over him. Simon finally gets a word in and calls it the best performance of the season. Wow!
Okay, so Lee did “Fireflies” better than the original, which was awesome. Alex continued to sound like Ray Lamontagne; Tim ripped the memory of the subtly nuanced, delicate “Hallelujah” done by Jason Castro a couple of years ago right out of our heads and replaced it with a heavy-handed version; Andrew tried to resurrect “Straight Up” but fell short. Casey and Aaron went down the country route. Todrick got gospel on our ass and might have saved himself, and Mike blew everyone away and made Kara cry.
Two men will leave us tomorrow. Casey actually pulled a brilliant move in going country, because he’s going to split that vote with Aaron now, which may not bode well for Aaron at all. Lee the rocker will be safe, but Alex may have been too forgettable tonight. Tim received praise but only because he didn’t suck as badly as he has in the past, so he may be in trouble. Andrew will probably be safe, Mike’s definitely not going anywhere. Hopefully Todrick sticks around, because he amuses me.
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