Do You Think You Can Fit on One Stool?
by Mordant Monkey
We’ll have our Top 12 revealed tonight, and it ought to be interesting. I predict at least one surprise. I’m expecting Paige and Lacey to leave us, but it could be Katie, while for the boys, I’m thinking Aaron and Tim, but possibly Andrew. Who knows? Only Ryan, evidently.
Clips of the contestants from the past week, and we’re off! Randy and Ellen match in black and white, Kara is in ice blue, and Simon is understated in a white vee-neck tee. Oh, and Ryan fries our brain with a picture of Randy’s head on top of Bikini Boy’s body. Wrong!
The boys start off the group sing by lip-synching to Michael Bublé’s “Just Haven’t Met You Yet.” It’s boring, but the movements are minimal, so that’s good. When the contestants are expected to dance, it makes me nervous. Tim is super-animated, and in contrast, Banana Mullet is barely alive. Todrick is rocking out with Paige. And mercifully, we’re done. That was relatively painless, compared to some group sings I could name.
The Silver Stools of Happiness and Success! Ryan dims the lights and asks Didi to join him center stage. She talks without moving her mouth, I just noticed. She is smiling and talking but not moving her mouth, just talking through her enormous teeth. Creepy. Didi is safe. Duh.
Siobhan is next, wearing a macramé dress over pants. Simon winks at her. Siobhan tells us that she’s very comfortable on the stage. Ellen tells her to keep doing what she’s doing. And Siobhan is through.
Paige and Katelyn are asked to come down then. I wonder which one will be going home? Sigh. Paige is wearing denim shorts with black tights. She has to go. Simon doesn’t know which one sucks the worst and can’t figure which ones deserves to advance, but it’s Paige! Wow! I’m surprised. I thought Katelyn had more promise than Paige. Katelyn sings and then we’re to the boys.
Tim, Rodrick, Lee, and Casey all are asked to come down to the stage. Ryan runs down Tim’s career with Idol so far and then moves on to Todrick and does the same. Lee and Casey, ditto. Ryan now works backwards and tells Casey to grab a stool, he’s safe. And then Tim is safe! So, wow again. Ryan asks Randy if both the boys remaining deserves a spot on the Top 12, and Randy says yes, but definitely Lee does. And of course it’s Lee who stays, so Todrick is out. Well, that just sucks.
As a special added bonus, we have Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre from last season, playing at Billy Joel and dueling pianos. Matt seems to be attempting a fauxhawk, while Scott’s hair is teased and fluffed within an inch of its life. “Tell Her About It” does not excite me. Matt’s performance is pretty good, although we’re reminded time and again that he works in a dueling piano bar, but Scott’s is pretty sluggish.
Afterward, Ryan quizzes them. Scott’s got a new album called “Heartstrings” available on his website, and Matt has a number-one single with Ann Wilson. Sweet!
Okay, back to the remaining eight. Crystal is first and she’s safe. She looks as though she’s still a bit under the weather, to be honest. I hope she’s all right. Mike is a new father, didncha know? Ryan asks him, “Do you think you can fit on one stool?” And he’s safe.
Lacey is the next one up. That leaves Katie and Lilly. That’s not very suspenseful, guys. Come on. Lacey babbles forever about what sort of artist she’s trying to trick us into thinking she is. And she’s through. Aaron is reminded that Simon thinks he needs more confidence, and Aaron yammers about that and he’s through. That leaves Andrew and Banana Mullet for the boys.
Alex and Andrew come up together. Ryan goes over the “Straight Up” controversy yet again. If Andrew remains, we’ll call it Straight Upgate. Yep, Andrew’s through. Wow, that was yet another surprise. Truly, this show flummoxes me. At least this week it did. Another boring, lackluster Alex performance, and then the guys surround him on stage hugging.
Katie or Lilly? Lilly or Katie? I think that’s fairly obvious. Poor Katie.
After the break, we’re back with Lilly, Katie, Ryan, and a weeping Alex. Jaysus. Okay, Alex finally goes away. Katie is reminded of how much the judges used to like her before they started trying to trip her up with contradicting advice. Lilly is wearing two feathers as earrings. And Ryan finally puts us out of our misery by letting Lilly go. WTF????? Lilly just looks pissed as hell, and Katie bursts into tears. “A lot of incredible talent is going home tonight,” Lilly says, still looking pissed. Lilly sings again, but that’s enough for me—I’ve had it with her.
So, wow, wow, and wow again. And oh god, next week is Rolling Stones night. Holy hell.
by 
