Can I Get a Refund?
by Chimp Delicious
Allison Iraheta was the only standout performance of the night on American Idol. Sure, many felt Adam did well, but the truth is that his performance just did not measure up to others from the budding star
It was pretty. It wasn’t even okay. In short, the Quentin Tarantino hosted version of American Idol left most of us asking for our money back — So badly that I’m reminded that I would like to get a refund from Tarantino for Grindhouse. Ah, if you read this Quentin, I took a date and got popcorn, so that’s about 30 bucks after popcorn and a couple of sodas.
Kicking off “Songs that were in movies” night was Allison Iraheta. Can I just say that this was the highlight of the night? Had I known this fact at the time, I wouldn’t have been calling Simon and Paula little wussies for spoon feeding the sixteen year-old about how good she was. Honestly, you know you’ve hit rock-stinking-bottom when Paula doesn’t say something PC about your butchery.
After saying, “Hey, when is Scott McIntyre coming on?” for the fourth time, I realized that American Idol moved on and was ready to deliver the medicine. Well, uh, at least I thought that they were. It was about this time that I started hoping that Adam Lambert wouldn’t have the pimp slot and I could just sit back and enjoy a real song performed by a real entertainer. NNNNRRRRGGGGHHHH! Wrong! Adam came on doing the “one-trick-pony” high-pitched, shrilly screeching that normally would have made me say, “Wow, this guy is great!” only to find that he only annoyed me tonight. Crap, Crappity, crap, crap, crap. I mean holy, freakin’ crap!
Now what were we to do? The star dumped out light a dyslexic school girl in a national spelling bee. I reached for my remote like many of us did… It was only my dedication to the American Idol concept that kept me there. Right. Okay, it was really the fact that I wanted to bitch a little bit about how I didn’t think that there was a radio star in the bunch, that I would never buy one CD that these guys (and 2 women) would ever do, and how bad the judges would be with their ambiguous BS that they shell out ever week.
So Kris Allen, Matt Giraud and Anoop Desai come on and salvage the night, so much that they kept me from spending 3 hours with a bottle of scotch, a pack of bargain smokes from the convenient store and surfing for porn as the highlight of my evening. If I was any of these three, I would have my bags packed and Priceline saved in my favorites. I especially loved Quentin telling Danny Gokey not to use his hands to sing and showing how to fist. Danny got complimented on his voice from Paula, but I personally have grown tired of his raspy, over-exagerated methods.
Truthfully, I didn’t know who else was left. Finally, Lil Rounds comes out to sing. Was I the only person in the world that anticipated “I will always love you” from the Bodyguard soundtrack as being the only song we would hear at this point? Well, after the initial shock of not hearing a Whitney Houston remake, I suddenly realized how utterly disappointing the performance was. I suddenly remembered Grindhouse and how I had the same feeling, only I didn’t drop 30 bucks. Thanks American Idol. Thanks Tarantino. Who do I see for my refund?
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